Can Love Be Counted?

 

By Kenneth A. Tokuno © 2026 

 Dedicated to Joseph-Louis Lagrange 

         His name was Silver and he was too handsome for his own good. Whenever he slipped into a restaurant or, when he was in college, entering into a new class on the first day, he would draw wistful glances from all the young ladies. He did not look like a nerd, walk like a nerd or dress like a nerd, but he was a nerd. If he wasn’t a genius, there needs to be a new definition of genius. At the University of Hawai`i, he majored in Mathematics and spent just about every day shuffling between Keller Hall, Hamilton Library and in his room with his parents working on his MacBook Pro. He didn’t just do homework, he lived it. He graduated summa cum laude with the class of 2006 at the age of 20. Two months later, he was on a plane to San Francisco to work on his PhD in Mathematics at the University of California in Berkeley. When he completed his dissertation, he applied and got a tenure track position at his old university and had an office in his old hangout, Keller Hall. 

         Given the cost of living in Hawai`i and the relatively poor pay that University of Hawai`i Math paid its professors, Silver was forced to live again with his parents temporarily at least. In addition to saving money, he would be able to focus more on his research, the questions of topological mixing within Chaos Theory. He didn’t need to worry about cooking, cleaning or even taking care of a car as he took the bus to work from Makiki. It was also true that his parents were still relatively young and healthy so he had no worries about them. His need to focus was also helped in that he had no siblings to contend with because both of his sisters had married and gone to the mainland, Evelyn with her environmental attorney husband and Therese with her Obstetrics fiancé.

         Although he was not fond of teaching, it was required of his position. Unlike many of his colleagues, his research was not amenable to most grant foundations, so he could not buy his time and had to teach a full load of three courses per semester. He was able to teach two graduate course which he found not too bad, but he never looked forward to teaching the undergraduate course, Math 415, which was small and had mostly math majors, 90% of them men. He would have preferred to teach Applied Topology, but that was the domain of a tenured faculty member.

         A problem arose soon after he set foot on campus. A lot of the females began to try to talk to him, ask him his name and if he was single. A few who followed him to his office were surprised that he was a math professor. No one so young and so handsome could be a math professor, but right there on his door it said, “Sylvester Uyehara, Assistant Professor.” He got the name “Silver” because his younger sister, Evelyn, couldn’t pronounce “Sylvester.” There was nothing about his appearance or personality that shined like silver, but the girl’s network on campus picked up his name from the internet and his reputation broadened as his image was shared on all the various social media platforms.

         Of course, none of the coeds knew what Silver was like aside from his looks, because he never spoke to any of them. The only time he even looked at any of them was to dodge a star struck sophomore. As far as he was concerned they were a swarm of pests. The few female math majors who took classes from him reported that he was a terrible lecturer who seemed to be bored all the time. His lack of interest in any woman soon had most of the students thinking he was gay. The rest realized he was simply a nerd, a handsome nerd. For his part, he hardly cared what the undergrads thought of him, whether they be male or female. He was totally focused on his research on topological mixing, as opposed to socially mixing. He did spend some leisure time with the graduate students, all of whom were men. Leisure time in this case being the occasional lunch at Paradise Palms when he didn’t take lunch in his office so he could focus on his work.

         His colleagues, all but two of them men, thought he was dedicated but strange. They figured he had a bright future, even wondered when a university like MIT or Stanford would recruit him. The two female faculty were older and married, but intrigued by Silver. They thought he might be a good match for a friend or relative’s daughter. He saw them as merely colleagues and they were perspicacious enough to see that he was not likely to be coaxed to meet any of their unstated prospects. In his first two years, he had no real friends in the department and he didn’t care.

         Silver’s mother, Denise Uyehara, had always been anxious about her son’s social isolation since back when he was still in high school. He never dated and had no female friends. His only friends were the non-female students in the math club, The Pi Eaters. All of them were nerds, including the girls. It wasn’t that Silver was shy or afraid of the girls. He was just indifferent to them. Whenever his mother brought up the subject of dating—which was at least once a week—he developed a temporary hearing problem. His father, George, was also concerned but did not pile on with his wife. He did once try to explain the “birds and the bees” to his son, who listened respectfully, but mentally shrugged as if to say, “I have no use for this information.” Indeed, through college right through his doctoral years, he did have no use for it.

         Denise pondered over her only son. Here he was almost thirty and showing no interest in dating let alone getting married. She was not one to give up and thus came the idea that she would invite her friends unattached daughters to dinner. It was a blatant attempt that Silver saw through but didn’t think it worth the trouble to oppose. In most things he was an obedient son. George told Denise that the dinner idea was a waste of time.

         When the various ladies came by for dinner, skinny ones, plump ones, Japanese ones, Chinese Hawaiian ones, Filipina ones, pretty ones and plain ones. Some were attached, but tenuously. Most were single and looking. All of them were under 30. They were usually impressed on first meeting Sylvester, whose name his mother felt appropriate for these meetings. As in “This is Sylvester” as opposed to “This is Silver.” He was tall, a little over six feet, with broad shoulders, the strong chin he got from his father and the soft eyes he got from his mother. Plus he was smart, a professor even. It was not long, however, that most of them got rather disappointed with his personality, or rather his lack of personality. Their attempts to pull him into conversation where met with monosyllabic replies or grunts.

         Silver’s mother was not one to quit until she had won. After about a score of these dinners, she berated him as she had never done before. She insisted that he at least talk to one of his “dates.” The next lady Gayla Ching. In her desperation, Denise had reached out to a former classmate who had been a member of her group in high school, but had not seen in five years. That was when she had met Gayla, who was then just finishing college at UH. By the fates, she had just broken up with her only boyfriend ever and was in no mood to date seriously. She had heard, however, about Silver and all his tarnish but was not opposed to meeting him personally.

         Gayla was an enchanting little thing, standing only 4’11” and weighing not much more than a feather. Her father was a Chinese Hawaiian and her mother a strikingly pretty Japanese who had been a Cherry Blossom contestant. Gayla had not inherited her mother’s good looks, but she was attractive and had a pleasant personality and her father’s stubbornness and persistence. Between that and his decision to talk, Silver engaged her in conversation. Having had no practice in small talk, he was tactless. 

         “So, how did you do in your math classes?” asked Silver.

         “You mean algebra?” said Gayla.

         “Algebra? They don’t teach algebra in college.”

         “Oh, I didn’t take any math at UH.”

         “But it’s a requirement.” “I took something else, a philosophy class.”

         “You mean Logical Reasoning?”

         “Something like that.”

         “And how did you do?"

         “I got a C.”

         “A C in something so basic?”

         Gayla knew that Silver was a math professor, so she wasn’t as much taken aback by this exchange as she would have been from almost anyone else. Thus, she simply gave him her most radiant smile and turned to her hostess as the shoyu was passed around. Denise gave a smile laced with chagrin and Gayla understood the signal for she had been briefed by Ms. Uyehara the day she was invited. She was, after all, only there because her mother asked her. She was not there to get into any commitment. Still, she could not help but be physically attracted to a man who was not only gorgeous but very smart.

         As for Silver, he was experiencing something he had not experienced with any woman before. He kind of liked her. There was something in her diminutive stature and confident but not annoying peppiness that was appealing to him. There was this problem of her total lack of interest or ability in math, but shoots, he wasn’t going to see her again. So, he actually did something he had never done before, he smiled at her.

         “Well, at least you passed,” he said as cheerfully as he could.

         “You know, you have a beautiful smile,” she said. Denise beamed.

         “Um, thanks, so do you.”

         “So what’s it like being a professor?”

         “What do you mean? I like it. ”

         “I mean you teach , but what else do you do and how do you like teaching?”

         “I do math research most of the time. The teaching part is just okay.”

         This small talk went on the rest of dinner. Since this was by far the most her son had spoken to any of her guests before, Denise was delighted. Even better, Gayla stayed for dessert and coffee. She was only the third to get this far. Silver seemed to be…content. He hadn’t squirmed or frowned all evening. As it got later and later, neither Silver nor Gayla showed any interest in having it end. It ended only when Gayla saw the time and said she had to work in the morning. It was 11:15.

         The next day was a Saturday and rather than going to his office as he almost always did, Silver hung around the house talking to both his parents about Gayla. Denise was amazed because it was as if her son had been spellbound, bedazzled. She was glad, mystified and worried all at the same time. What had been the key? Of all the women she had invited to dinner, Gayla was far from the loveliest, the smartest or the most successful. Then again, she reminded herself that none of these things had ever mattered to her son. George was at least a bit puzzled, but not at all upset, knowing how many times he himself had been starstruck by a young lady in his youth. It was long overdue as far as he was concerned. He had to admit; his wife might have been on the mark about these dinners. He thought about talking to Silver about the facts of life again because he wasn’t sure their earlier talk had penetrated though all the numbers in his head. Instead, he asked Silver what was going through his mind.

         “Well son, I see that you were kind of impressed by last night’s guest,” said George.

         “She’s like the solution to a complex linear algebra problem,” said Silver, his eyes gleaming with what looked like tears.

         “So are you going to see her again?”

         “What? See her again? How do I do that?”

         “You get her folks’ phone number from Mom and call her up.”

         “What do I say to her? What will she say to me? I can’t do this!”

         “Guess you’ll never see her again. Do you even want to see her?”

         “Yes, can you call her for me?”

         “Son, if I do that, she’ll think you’re some kind of loser and you’ll be done before you even get started. Look, just call her up, tell her you had a nice time and would like to see her again. If she liked you, you’ll know by her answer to that proposition.”

         “I think I can do that. Thanks, Dad.”

         Most young men when calling a female to ask about a date are very nervous. Not Silver. He had not only given hundreds of lectures but had presented at the national conference of the American Math-ematical Society. Plus he was no young man. He might not have been nervous but he was a bit apprehensive over something he had never done before. His phone voice was good and he spoke with a lot of confidence when he asked Gayla if he could see her again. She had liked him anyway and was hoping he would call, so she not only agreed to see him but suggested the coming Saturday evening.

         Silver had no idea what they would, could or should do together, so he simply asked her what she wanted to do. She liked that he was so straightforward because she knew all about his lack of experience and thought he would act with a lot of uncertainty. She told him she wanted a simple dinner and a movie. She knew he probably had no idea where to go so she suggested The Old Spaghetti Factory and the latest Star Wars film. Then he asked her if she would drive, as he didn’t know how. That part surprised her.

         When Gayla picked him up, he was not wearing anything special and she smiled to himself. He was so unpretentious. As he got in the car, he told her that he had never eaten in any factory before and had never been to a theater to see a film. She was mildly amused by this not unexpected revelation but had to spend much of the dinner summarizing the whole scope of the Star Wars franchise, which she barely knew herself and that only because of her father’s DVDs. When the check came, he reached for his wallet and asked how much his share was. She was not amused but paid her share. When they got to the theater, she waited to see if he would pay for both tickets then told him to pay just in time for them to see the previews. As it happened, he fell in love with the film. It had a lot of topology in it.

         It was the first of many dates over the next year. Silver had never realized a woman could be so scintillating. She was giving him something of a cultural education, but without making him feel like the nerd he was. He thought she more fun than solving a vector matrix problem. He found that he liked the sound of her laugh, even when he didn’t understand how what he was saying was funny to her. He was never offended, thinking that she was laughing at him. What induced her laughter was more in the way he used words associated with mathematics, words she rarely understood. Whereas many people would call him pedantic or arrogant, she thought it endearing. She called him her Professor Fun, based on a local comedian she remembered from her childhood. How can a young mathematician not be crazy in love with a woman like that?

         Fundamentally, Silver had not changed. He still lectured as if he was reading from a text. He still failed to notice any of the pretty coeds flirting with him. He still was absorbed in math 60 hours a week. That last part had changed from his previous 80 hours a week. He spent the difference with Gayla, not doing anything on the weekends and he called her from his office every weekday. He started to call her his “Little Polynomial” and she never understood why. It soon reduced to “Little Polly” which still made no sense to her, but sounded better. She simply called him her “Silver Star” which soon reduced to just “Silver” which made more sense to him.

         On the weekends Gayla continued her mission to broaden her beau’s horizons. He had never been on a boat, so she took him on a catamaran cruise off of Kihei Lagoon. He was disgustingly ignorant of Hawaiian culture, so she took him to Bishop Museum and the Polynesian Cultural Center. Since he had been to no movies before they met, they went to Ward Village to see some Marvel and Pixel films. He grew to like animated films and superheroes. And he had never experienced fine dining so she took him to Chez Michels and Alan Wong’s restaurants. Sex, however, was not part of the relationship, partly due to Silver’s lack of experience and interest in it and partly because Gayla wanted to wait. She was a rare woman for the 21st century: a virgin.

         Exactly one year after that first dinner at the Uyehara’s, Silver asked Gayla to marry him. His parents were amazed at how well everything had worked out. Silver himself did not see why they were in such wonder. He was still the same guy, absorbed with math and now absorbed with Gayla. He did not want a big wedding and convinced his wife to be that they should save their money to buy a house. Since they both had been working full time (she as a coffee house manager) for three years and living with their parents, they had saved a considerable amount already. 

         The wedding was held on April 9, 2016. It was performed in the Ching’s back yard at Myra Ching’s insistence and thus it had a Japanese theme, complete with 1001 origami cranes. The only guests were Gayla’s older sister and her family, both sets of parents and a maid of honor. The Uyeharas did not even get a chance to invite their daughters. Silver did not want or need a best man. It was over in half an hour. For their honeymoon, they drove to Turtle Bay and stayed for two nights and three days. Then they moved into a rented condo across from Punahou School and within walking distance of the University.

         They wanted to have children, but only after a few years to settle into their marriage, buy a home. Silver also need to get tenured, which he did by the fall of 2017. With the increased salary he now had along with a nice raise from Gayla’s boss they started to have a more comfortable life. They could still save for a future home and go out to eat or to see a show more often. Silver bought Gayla the ring she had wanted when they got engaged but couldn’t afford. Without the threats of debt and getting tenure, he could relax more and he took their love life to a different level. It wasn’t just the physical aspect of love, but each day he saw the qualities in her that he lacked in himself and wondered why she had even fallen in love with him. He needed to try to be a better person for her, loosen up a bit. Not so easy to do once a person is past 30.

         “Gayla, why do you love me so much?” asked Silver.

         “Because you look like a Japanese movie star. Maybe for a samurai film,” said Gayla with a mischievous smile.

         “Really?” “No silly Silver, not really. I love you because you’re so calm and steady. Nothing bothers you. Plus you never look at any other women or even think about them as far as I know. Why do you love me?”

         “Uhhh, I need to think about it.”

         “Wrong answer. Try again.”

         “I can’t explain it, dear. You have something that just makes me feel good. I never cared about looks, but I like yours. I never cared about romance, but I love loving you. I never was able to use words very well, so please let this work.”

         “It works. I love you.”

         The two families became close. When Evelyn and Therese brought their families home for Christmas, they would all get together. Gayla was an only child and she doted on her nieces and nephews while Silver spent most of the holidays doing his math research. It didn’t take long for the children to get closer to their Aunt Gayla in comparison to their Uncle Silver, whom they rarely saw smile and never played with them. They kept inviting the newlyweds to come to see them in Las Vegas or San Diego and they promised to do so someday. In the meantime Silver and Gayla needed to build a foundation for their lives.

         By the end of 2018, they started to look for a house to buy and were only a bit disappointed to find that they could only afford a two bedroom condo in Kakaako. Then they hunted for furniture, something Silver had very little to do with, while Gayla was delighted that she had free rein of her choice of dining room chairs and a nice Koa table, a queen sized futon bed, three rattan occasional chairs, a small blue couch and a few nice lamps. She asked Silver if he wanted to buy a desk for his office and he said that he would make do with the couch, because they would need to use the second bedroom for a nursery.

         Early in 2019, they moved in and settled into a life of bliss as they tried to have children. As with many would be parents, they thought they would become pregnant in a short time, but after six months, nothing had happened. They didn’t talk to each other about it but went through their lives as before. The romance was still very strong. As they walked around the Salt neighborhood, people would stare at them for they made an odd couple. Not only was he over a foot taller than she was, but he was strikingly handsome and she, though not unattractive, was rather humble looking. Her nose was a bit large and she had dry hair that always looked like it had birds nesting in it. None of this mattered to Silver, who had never been preoccupied with how women looked and saw her as the perfect woman.

         As 2020 emerged, they still saw no sign of a baby, but they did see the threat of the COVID-19 virus attacking Hawai`i. They took all of the recommended precautions from wearing masks to shopping remotely. Silver was able to teach his classes online which he found he actually preferred. They stopped eating indoors at restaurants and stocked up on COVID testing kits. Then on Thursday May 7, just as the semester was winding down, Silver developed a bad cough and tested positive for the deadly virus. Gayla was so frightened for her husband that she failed to take precautions in nursing him and although he got better, she caught COVID-19 herself.

         At least Silver was back to full strength when Gayla got really sick. He had learned from her what he needed to do to keep her comfortable and get her back on her feet. He ordered Tylenol and cough drops from Longs in a large quantity and lots of guava, orange and grape juice from Safeway, making sure she drank no less than eight cups of that per day. He cooked all the meals, did the dishes and the laundry over her protests and told her to get as much sleep as possible. He bought a humidifier for her, something he had eschewed when she wanted to get one for him. He also bought an oximeter to check how much oxygen she was getting into her bloodstream.

         Gayla’s cough got worse as did her fever. This did not worry Silver too much as he had gone through that same stage. When she continued to get worse, vomiting a lot, getting weaker and unable to get out of bed, he called 911 and asked them to send an ambulance. When it came, the EMS guys saw that she was able to speak and had no trouble breathing so they told Silver that he should continue what he had been doing and she should get better in a week or two, but in a week, she was worse. The oximeter indicated that Gayla was not getting enough oxygen in her blood. Her beathing was labored and she was having trouble talking. The worst thing for her husband, though, was the look of fear and desperation in her eyes. He rushed her to Queen’s Hospital, where they put her in the recently designated quarantine area for COVID patients. Because he was her husband and recently had had COVID he was allowed to be there with her.

         He stayed with her every day, every hour. He spent many of those hours crying as he talked to her, to reassure her that she would get better soon. Sadly, she gave no sign of recognition as he tried to make sure she was comfortable and her IV was flowing steadily. He tried to hold her in his arms, something he could not do easily in the hospital bed. Both his and her parents came by to try to get Silver to get some sleep, but he told them he was fine. They were sometimes able to keep watch over Gayla as he ate food or took short naps. It was painful for all of them to see her lying deathly ill.

         She died ten days after she was admitted. It was June 30. Silver’s cry when he saw his dear wife was gone was so loud it could be heard throughout the hospital wing. On July 2, at the request of her husband and family, Gayla was cremated. From the moment of her passing through the entire day of the funeral, Silver could not weep, could not speak and could not eat. At the service, he sat catatonically, occasionally looking around as though searching for someone. His parents understood, but nothing they could say to him was of any succor to him. His sisters and their families stayed for a few days after the service, but did not even try to console him after seeing how his parents had failed.

         Denise and George took their son home with them and the next day Silver finally ate something, but it was only a bowl of ramen, something Gayla never ate. A week later he was still there, eating little and not going to work. He was losing weight at a troubling pace. George called his department and let them know that his son was not likely to be coming to his office any time soon. Silver refused to go back to the home where he and Gayla had so briefly lived. On July 9, he began his crying and it seemed as though there was not enough water in the world for all his tears. He wanted to embrace his grief. He cried for two full days instead of eating or sleeping. His father wanted to take him to his minister for grief counseling, but he refused even that, but did start to eat again after he saw how his mother reacted to his shrinking frame.

         He managed to get back to his house in August, but that started a whole new wave of grief once he saw the furniture, clothes and decorations that Gayla had graced their home with. Asking his parents if he could stay with the indefinitely, he told them he could never live in the condominium that had once been so vibrant with Gayla’s presence. His father asked him if it was all right if they sold it. Silver was reluctant since he thought of it as a monument to his marriage. As good as he was with math he was bad with money, George brought out his calculator and showed his son how long he could afford to pay the mortgage on only his salary. It was only another four months. Gayla had not had life insurance. Silver had to agree to put the unit up for sale and he never set foot in it again. His father had to find a realtor and manage the sale of the condo. After paying off the mortgage, Silver had enough money to rent a storage unit for all of the furniture, which his parents eventually sold.

         It would not be very long before Silver realized that he needed to find a place of his own after all those years with his parents. It was something that Gayla would have been able to handle. Now he’d need to rely on his father. For the meantime, school would be starting soon and he always had his mathematics to keep him company. On the first day of classes, as he walked to his office, the coeds all stared at him, but he took no notice of them.